Open heart

The sun cast a ray of warmth onto her skin, it felt wonderful to appreciate it after hiding for so long. A trail of past memories flashed across her mind. As if each cell of her body recalled the moments she refused to mention. She had always sensed the broken in her , but delving into it was never an option. She feared her differences, her heartaches…Loss meant she was different. Somewhere very deep in her heart loss meant she will constantly lose battles. She wished she had known before that loss never defines us and that mistakes are bound to happen with anyone.
Being different meant that the people she had chosen to be around her at that time would pick on her. So she remained in a closed box fearing to say anything , or move in ways that made others un-comfortable. Remaining quiet in the box was safer, it meant her ideas would never be criticized. It meant she could lay low and remain in a place she felt she was needed.
Until one day it dawned on her, she had done everything right according to them. She had been there through their tribulations, but the second the waves got higher she stood alone. The winds of loneliness and despair fluttered in front of her glistening eyes, while she stood at a crossroad where many had stood before. She could either close her heart and shut off completing a cycle that she had learned from her old hangouts. Or she could simply open her heart and listen to what it had to say and re-kindle a long lost passion.

By ZeinaA.G


Journey​ into the light.

The light glows all the time here and it’s unlike any light I’ve ever seen. It’s a calming light that blocks all the crying and the whining each time I gaze into it. The kind of light that reminds me of all the love and happy times I had with my family.

I have floated through oceans and rivers. I have floated above mountains; I’ve seen the greenest meadows and the brightest roses. I can see all the sunsets that my heart desires. I can float anywhere in any room and sometimes I can see if someone is calling out to me, I can’t explain how my presence appears near them when my name is mentioned.

I remember leaving all this pain behind and I remember how I left. However, I keep hearing you saying how I’ll be home when you return. I’m so sorry but I won’t, I have no clue how I became all knowing all of a sudden maybe it’s something my spirit always knew that it would return here.

Maybe this tired body of mine burdened my spirit. I wish I could tell you how better I feel and I wish I could make you laugh even if it was for one last time. I’ve been lingering around you for few days I leave things around you so you could remember, but you don’t notice. I keep leaving signs to show you that you only said goodbye to my body.

This is only a farewell to darkness and from here on all I ask of you is to look for this incredible light that is guiding me. As long as we are both staring into the same light I am certain that we are connected. I know it’s hard now, but keep searching. Grief may have taken over you but I am certain that all the love we shared is buried deep in your heart.

My gift to you is that you would regain the ability to mention my name daily without bitterness taking over your heart. Seek all the love we had because I am certain that only then you will find your strength again.

By ZeinaA.G

Goodbye 2017

There have been many painful goodbyes to close people, in 2017. Now I realize that you could desperately miss someone’s daily “hello” or the casual chitchats even if it was only about the weather. You could miss how a person’s presence changes the atmosphere; you could miss their sense of humor and the little things they did for you that you never noticed. You could so easily disregard someone who is fading away from underneath your fingertips because the idea of them leaving adds more strain on your heart.

All these heartaches have taught me that the easiest thing you could do is try to fit in and say the exact same thing that everyone else keeps repeating. These losses have taught me how strength emerges from being vulnerable. The one thing that gives me peace is knowing that their love still circulates around and I am certain that it would light my way.

I am deeply grateful to each person who has reached out to me during all this darkness and listened. I’m not sure if I say this enough, but thank you for all the love, kindness and understanding.


You’ve been sitting in the coldest room since forever, searching for a reason to hold on.  A life reel flashes across the darkness. Shadows begin coming to life within seconds they turn to images of wonderful memories you’ve had, since you could remember.

You try to look away knowing that the pain of the memories would cause a fire to spark within you, an un-controllable, ruthless fire that in a matter of seconds could turn everything into ashes. However, you can’t burn memories and you certainly can’t burn the past, so you stare into the reel focusing on each smile, each gentle touch and each kind word. You stare so long until a smile creeps up on your face and that blaze from the inside sneaks out from your eyes making its way out as tears. You start discovering this new terrain while slowly learning that the intensity of hurt you feel is temporary.

After a while, the coldness around you starts thawing out. From the first step back out into the world, you notice how different your perspective is and the colors around you are so vivid. A pleasant tune rings in your ears reminding you that all the memory reels of the deceased are wrapped tightly with enough love to warm your heart until eternity.

By Zeina A.G


It’s been a month.

This post is dedicated to my late uncle and Godfather Charles.
The deserted car in the driveway still doesn’t concern me,neither does his deserted bedroom or the couch that he used to love sleeping on in the living room. I still walk into his house with a question about him wavering in my mind, Is he asleep? Or how is he doing today?
For a second there I almost ask it before my aunt appears with a pained smile on her face.
We walk out together and we both spontaneously remember how less than two months ago he was telling a story with full pride about how he drove his car to buy croissants. We both look in the direction of the roses he had planted in his garden that are now blooming.
I momentarily wait for my aunt in my car still waiting and expecting him to ask where we are going or to make a joke about it.
Nothing there except cruel silence and a bitter reality of a new loss seeping into our lives

The Art of Being Human

I felt like re-sharing. I wrote this for my humanities class in University ten years ago. If I remember well the subject was to describe beauty in a person, object, and an idea.

To weep to others pain and to smile to others happiness is a part of what makes us human. If we can’t feel with others then how are we going to feel for us?? If we can’t put ourselves in their place for one second then what are our imaginations for? If we can’t take few minutes to pat someone on the back and say tomorrow will be better then what’s the purpose of being there for each other?

In my own opinion beauty is a positive glow coming from the inside; it has the need to keep others happy and smiling. That is how I define beauty of the personality, keeping hold of the innocence of a child in your heart and staying modest trying your best not to ignore a suffering human.

Beauty in a person is also by being optimistic even when a problem gets in the way keep thinking there is a way out of it. Beauty in a person is by hiding your fears to encourage a frightened child to stay calm, and if someone else has a problem you tend to put a smile on their faces so they can forget it even if it’s just for one minute I call that an accomplishment.

What is beautiful about someone is never thinking of ways to hurt others, no matter how painful they have hurt him, beauty is defined here by forgiving and forgetting.

It takes a lot of strength to let go the death of a loved one the more time passes the more you feel you have betrayed that special person, because some things start slipping your mind, some memories you had or certain things you used to talk about.

I find beauty in an object when it has a remembrance to the past. It could be a picture of someone who is not with us anymore, I find it the most beautiful thing in the world to discover a memory and then being able to hold on to a picture you thought you never had of someone who is no longer with us.

This kind of beauty relaxes me, It’s one of the biggest joys in my life to look at pictures and see them smiling , that is how I carry on with my life I take my strength from this kind of beauty from the smiles and let it out in different ways for people to see.

Sometimes beauty of an object could also be an object for someone who is no longer among us, maybe a jacket or a dress. While other times it could be a song which holds beauty in its tunes and lyrics which express a phase you went through or still going through when you’re touched by a song you may not realize but usually it’s something you went through or maybe wishing to go through. I find it beautiful how attached you get to a certain song you can’t get out of your head.

Being able of developing a dream maybe unconsciously you develop it into an idea and by taking steps you go further in the idea and before you know it if you go further with it you get to your dream goal. What I also find beautiful is that if an idea tends to fail you try to find another and you evolve it by looking at your previous mistakes. I like to think that dreams come true and that nothing is impossible once you get your mind into it, following ideas is what makes us move on and making mistakes on the way is what makes us better people.


Written by ZeinaA.G


DSC_2687_88_89_90_91_92_tonemappedI understand how hard it is to search for love when grief is eating your heart away piece by piece. However, Love has no limits, the deeper you feel it the harder it is to lose. You can find it in the dark corners, beneath the biggest waves it follows like a shadow. It’s in any deep hole you decide to disappear into. Love is in each tear you shed, in the echoes of a rare laughter. In your pained words, it’s even there in your aching silence.

Love can spread its wings and embrace you; it floats with your losses painting them in a beautiful coat. It polishes your wounds and deepens your perspective. It’s there in each dawn, and each ray of light peering through a hidden sunset.

Love is a never-ending force which can flow freely beyond distance or time, even forever through open hearts.


Written by ZeinaA.G


Pain shoots through each cell of your body, stripping you away from everything you ever loved. You are left trembling from your wounds. You question your ability to survive, while you’re dragging yourself to function. The only thing that makes sense is remaining quiet and for a period of time, you do. But, your silence has never felt so loud.

At times, it’s like floating on a cloud drifting away with each breeze without a care in the world. Other times it’s a heavy load pressing on your chest. While you’ve lost the ability to put two words together, images of life happening around you flash across your darkness.

One day, your intuition guides you to a place in the middle of nowhere. Maybe, it was once sacred to you but you’ve changed and everything that once mattered is now useless background noise. Just seconds before you leave a faint voice turns your attention to the sky and as your eyes settle at a strong sunset the voice now booms, “You’re a survivor.”

By Zeina A.G

Another life lesson…

By Zeina A.G

When I began writing a part of me felt guilty for sticking my characters in tough situations and I always wondered if I’d taken it too far with the events that I clamped together. After seeing the direction of this year it resonates so much to me that life doesn’t take a break, there are no specific rules everything can change its direction in a blink of an eye. You could already be missing a lot of people and then another loss could hit you in the face. You could already be appreciating and spending time with the people you love and they could still leave in a blink of an eye. You could have already passed this feeling of defeat in the past few months, yet once again it can creep up on you and it feels totally different. The loneliness you feel each time would be different because each person is unique in the way they touch your life. You feel cheated to bury another set of memories but you don’t have to bury these memories you can set an intention to remember and honor them every day. Even if it means being frustrated from life or crying till your eyes hurt.

Personally, I think it’s humbling to feel your feelings. And there is a lesson in all this as life starts peeling away the unnecessary baggage we carry from our outer image right to what society may think of you. From now on I will let go of rules, the silly standards and just feel. Write fearlessly and from all my heart.

Nothing​ matters

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if you did all the right things with someone and they wronged you. What matters is that you stood for what you sincerely believed in. And if you’re patient through all the hurt being thrown at you ;keeping your heart open would give you a peace of mind for the long run. It doesn’t matter if you get ignored by everyone else, what matters you can sit with yourself to tame and listen to the inside voices that many people ignore. That’s how everything around you starts to fade away and nothing matters…